Monday 22 February 2010

A Pause in Lent - One

Oooh I thought, in a reflective moment, whilst perusing the blog that Floss writes, that sounds interesting. I'd read about 'A Pause in Advent' and some of the comments about how much people found it helpful, to take time out & step back, think & reflect.

I am a very reflective person - almost too much I wonder sometimes - I like to mull things over, chuck in few what if's etc.... We use it a lot at work - Reflective Practice, as away of learning, improving our knowledge, learning through the experience. 

So my first thought, having committed myself to this for the next 6 weeks, was what did Lent mean to me? & thinking about it, I don't think I've ever observed Lent.

I was brought up in an active Christian household - hence my biblical name. I think my parents in my early years , would say they were non-denominational, free church people. I cannot remember a lot of 'traditional worship' as a small child, I think there were a lot of house groups, but there was also a strong sense of sharing - and this has sharing has continued to this day with my mum & dad. They offer a very open house, welcoming fellow christians to stay if they need a room for the night when on their travels. I have often said that I could turn up to M&D house, to find a burglar in the house, and I would assume it was one of their friends who'd come to stay. 

As mum and dad moved further north, the family settled into a more formal worship, at Baptist, C of E and more evangelical churches.  

By the time we moved to Derbyshire, I was in my fully fledged teenage angst years - where what I'd been brought up to believe was questioned, argued - and almost at points, raged against. Peers told me it was 'square' to be in the Christian Society (can any one else remember being 'square'?). I didn't want to stand out - I wanted to blend in with my counterparts, a brief spell of being bullied, had reinforced the need to fit in. Sociology taught me that it was a form of control of the masses, for example Methodism (perhaps the church that I felt most at ease in) with its quiet practice and abstinence, was encouraged by the Mill owners as a way of ensuring well behaved workers.  I felt cross at what I saw of people, not practising what they preached, even though my mum, would say that we are only human, not perfect. And most of all I questioned - is there only one right faith? How can good, caring people, suffer eternal damnation, because they were Muslim, Buddhist, Jewish or Christian?

I do not currently attend a church, yet I still feel a sense of faith. I have seen too much, felt too much over the years to believe that death is final. I've witnessed things that cannot be accounted for by medicine or science. I've watched a strong faith be of comfort to those facing death, and those facing the loss of someone. I've watched as people have drawn strength form their faith, and a times felt that things have had a 'helping hand'. I have drawn strength and comfort, given thanks to my God, whom I believe is a kind and caring God, who will hold people in his comfort. I have given thanks for his love (and the odd needed car parking space).

I think I am still on a personal journey - of finding what feels right for me. When I talk to others of what I believe in, I always say, that what gives me faith, strength and comfort is this prayer. It never fails to move me, and it is what I carry in my heart day to day, its how I try to live and practice my beliefs.







The prayer attributed to the 13th century Saint Francis of Assisi, originated in its current form in Franc in 1912. It became known as the prayer for peace, and was widely used as a comfort for the soldiers in WW1. Since then it has been quoted from persons such as Archbishop Tutu, to Margaret Thatcher. Its been widely broadcast in films such as Rambo, to the late Princess Diana's funeral. Mother Teresa used it as part of her morning devotions.

It was also the hymn sung on my first visit to the Hospice Chapel, on my first week in my new job.

Coincidence? or is someone giving me a nudge?

Love Lydia xx

Sunday 21 February 2010

De Bijenkorf - I'm back & I can speak Dutch!


We arrived at Amsterdam Central Station, on a cold crisp Friday Evening - So cold that if I talked it steamed my specs up - prompting giggles from me to G, as I uttered those romantic words - 'by eck, you look gorgeous', whilst almost blind....

Good job I had my stripey scarf & gloves ready....

G had told me that we wouldn't be staying any where posh - because the flights weren't cheap, and I was quite happy with this, as the main objective of the weekend, was just to relax & spend time with each other, after what has been a really tough 6 months for both of us. Including a huge fall out the night before (honesty card being held up here)  Don't worry I'd said, "It's about being with you....", and he replied "Stop it! - Now you are worrying me..."

So you can imagine my suprise and delight to end up here....


Total Princess status! The room still had the original beam for winching up the trading goods.


The very nice manager told us that the building was a former linen warehouse, and that the hotel had been built around it.


After a lazy breakfast on Saturday morning we set off for a wander aound Amsterdam. It is such a truly beautiful city.

We came across last November for G's Christmas work get together (He works for a company with it's European head office in Holland). At the time it was so very stressful because of his mum being so poorly, so we promised hat we would come back. I admit I fell in love with Holland there and then. I now wish I had discovered  Amsterdam years ago, but I admit, being such a home bird, I was put of by the steroetyping of the red light districts and brown cafes.

We walked and talked, at a slow leisurely pace (courtesy of my skating-on-ice episode) over many canal bridges, building our own bridges.



Taking in the picturesque laid back streets, the continental grace, the quiet of minimal car traffic. In Holland cars are taxed heavily & so bikes are hugely popular. They are practical as people live close to where they work, and cyclists are provided with their own paths and well protected by Dutch law.


The architecture is beautiful, tall thin buildings lean, nestle and almost hug together in rows, like books on a bookshelf, not quite straight, and you get the feeling, should one fall, they would all come down. They were built tall & thin (although they go a long way back) as tax was paid, dependant on the frontage of the houses.

I think this is the best picture I took, to show the lovely wonkiness of them all...


And much like a book shelf, there is always the odd one, with a different spine, that makes it stand out from the rest...






G allowed me to chose where we went, and having seen a flyer, I asked to go to the Museum anf Handbags & Purses. It was facsinating, they had examples of the earlieast handbag, through to the modern, and are currentley running an exhibition of British designers. 


Look at one of the Tea rooms within it....


And the cake wasn't bad either....


Mmmm Who's that coverting a very expensive hanbag or two...? The British Exhibition room was the only one where we could take photo's. Poor G's face, when I told him how much the very nice classic Mulberry leather handbag was worth....


It was just fabulous - I loved, loved, loved  the colours in this little alcove -


Here are the floating flower gardens, greenhouses on the canal....

We passed a Dutch Quilting shop, with this quilt hanging on the railings....


And my second request of the day was to visit 'My Aunts Tart' - Labelled the campest cake shop in town, it was a true test of G's love for me, it was utter kitsch, a riot of plastic flowers, miss matched furnitire & PVC tablecloths - the stuff CK and nightmares would be made of. But the tarts were tasty, and the displays of wedding & party cakes they are famous for were inspirational for any cake decorators who are un-afraid to use colour.


Finally - My third wish was to go to the Bijenkorf - The only dutch word I know. It's the most loveliest department store in Amsterdam - Think a dutch John Lewis.... It was here in November that I brought a christmas card, that I really ought to get round to telling you about...



This is a household range called 'Pip' -


After all our wanderings, with me completeley jiggered, we decided to stop and have our tea in the Bijenkorf, as it was open until 7pm. They have a restaurant that takes up the whole of the top floor, and offers a huuuge choice, so we settled on a stirfrys - cooked to our own order. 

Then it was back to our room, for a quiet Saturday night, bottle of wine & Casualty on BBC....

Sunday saw us wake up to snow - and a 2 hour train journey visit some freinds. R grew up in Sheffield lad and G has known him for years & also now works with. He married the lovely J and they live close to the German border. I stupidly didn't take camera for the walk round where they live, although I did tell R, I couldn't imagine why he wanted to leave Sheffield!



We arrived home late Sunday - & it's all too quickly been back to normal day-to-day life.

However it is the first time in 10years, since the small people have come along, that we have done anything like this. It was a special time, a time for relationship building. I think time away from the daily stresses, away from our much loved small people allowed us to focus on each other, remember who we are to each other. It's almost been to easy to be too busy for each other. I think we've realised that we need to continue to take time out to appreciate the other one, to listen and hear, to share our hopes and dreams. Perhaps not on this grand scale, next time closer to home.

(But I really do like Amsterdam)

Love Lydia xx

I


Friday 12 February 2010

Valentine - be - mine










 I'm off somewhere a little bit cold, where they produce these...


Almost beside myself with excitement!

Have a lovely weekend, one & all....


Love Lydia xx

Thursday 11 February 2010

Blue

This week I've felt all out of sorts.

It all started on Wednesday when I took a fall on some ice, outside the 6yr old's school. The earth literally went from under my feet, and I landed with an almighty walup on the floor. Much to my embarrassment a nice young man enquired if I was ok, or if I had hurt myself - did I need help in getting up? Oh no, I said, its just my pride that's bruised....

Except it wasn't. No my generously padded coccyx (backside) was also bruised. To the point it hurt to walk, sit down, and drive? I felt everyspeed bump & pot hole known to man was on the stretch of road I needed to drive on. There have been ooh's & aah's in the bedroon, not from passion, but from the pain in my derrier.

Even the small people realised it was bad, when I anounced that I could not bend down to unstack the dishwaher or move the laundry out of the washing machine, and that they would have to help.

I also had to tell them all at work, not to make me laugh, as it hurt my bum, and to say my patients found it amusing that I didn't know how to sit, is putting it mildly.



The weekend was quiet and simple. A steady pottering of  housework for me, and glueing & creating with sparkles for her...


I watched as the 9 year old got into his grove with his new bike, practising for his next big race in 2 weeks time, then lovingly, with joy in my heart, washed his sweaty muddy lycra....


And found him practising for when he becomes a teenager....


In an attempt to cheer my backside up, I took it shopping. Chatsworth road is our main road between Chesterfield & Bakewell/Baslow in The Peak District. Over the past 18 months it has started to gain some lovely shops.


Lovely Shops = Lovely Things 



Here's a sneaky peak inside Created....





I love Clare Gage ceramics, they are delightfully touchable with their textured surfaces, delicate forms, and would sit comfortably in an uber minimalist environment, or in a more homely one - such as ehemm..

Mine. ...


The use of fabric to provide texture would surely appeal to crafters & vintage/shabby alike? Thease were my two new purchases. Funded by my Birthday & Christmas pennies/pounds 



And here they are, joining the others in their new home...


Whilst in Created the lady who runs the gallery (& whom happens to be Clares mum), gave me this -

                                              

Think I'll be checking it out, & I bet someone else not so far from me will be too (Diane) 

Also on Chatsworth road is a new shop called Moo Moo (How funky is that name?) Of course, it would have been rude not to have a peek in it, and meet Moo Moo a tiny little-terrier-type-handbag-dog-not-in-the-least-bit-woofy...


And it would have been rude to have left this lovely twiggy wired heart - although I think G would have rather me been rude....


Whilst a lovely things shopping is nice, it didn't really cure the unsettledness. I have had this week off work, and as I have pottered around the house today I realised just how tired I am feeling, that sort of all encompassing physical & emotional tiredness that leaves you wanting to nap in the day, fall out with your own shadow, and feel overwhelmed with things.

I feel like I am going round in a cirlce. Never quite on top of things (laundry, housework, tidying, caseload etc). Clock watching, always needing more time as I dash to the next thing (pick up children, traffic etc). Wanting to have a little time for me in amongst being a wife, mother, daughter, nurse.

But the quite stillness of the house has also allowed me to think and reflect. I've had an extrodinary few months, we are still feeling the loss of G's mum, recovering from all that happened. I went back to work post bereavement, at an emotive time of year, to care for people in a similar situation to what I had just been in personaly.  

There has been  a lot of juggling - my case load at work, childcare, G travelling again, and its been all too much. I think the unsettledness is a nudge to guide my to think about what I am doing, trying to acheive. I know how precious life is, I spend my working days with those who face losing theirs, so I always try to be positive, grateful, thankful for all that I have.

However I've realised I need to look at my time - and how I use it. I need to learn to look after me, so I can continue to look after those I love & care for.

I need to stop stressing. Allow myself to stop trying to be 'perfect'. To enjoy the simplicity & beauty of light & shadows, spring on a snowy day....



And I don't think I am alone, I think that a lot of us can feel this way at times. And I think its ok to feel a bit pants too, so long as its not for too long.

I was listening to Woman's Hour a few weeks ago (yes, get me, cutting egde woman that I am!), and they were talking to the talented Ruthie Henshall. She said some lovely wise words "We spend our time, judging our insides, against the outsides of others". Thoughts to hold onto when I feel like I am drowning, rather than waving....

And finally - on a brighter Ta-Da! note to end.....

The winner of my First Birthday Giveaway is - Lisa at Jumble & Jelly - please pop across & meet her if you havent already - she has a lovely blog, 2 beautiful children & 2 cats. As well as a G like me....

Love Lydia xx







Monday 1 February 2010

Inspired by....Bertie Meadows & a card....

Can anyone remember the postacrd bunting I made for Christmas?

It was inspired by a similar style bunting made the very lovely BertieMeadows. I wrote that I hoped to continue doing similar, changing through the year... I've been slow to change it, as I had grown rather fond of my bonnie snowmen....



But the snow is now long gone, and Spring is on its way. I've tucked the snowmen safely away, and inspired by this fabulous V&A card tried to create a happy colourful string of bunting.... The card uses an original watercolour and wallpaper sample from the mid 18th centuary.  


Without any fabulous wallpaper, I settled on some IKEA handmade paper that I had lurking in the wrapping paper stash. How much fun did I have? It gave me a lovely sense of peace to sit and quietly snip away, gathering and processing my thoughts form the day at work. Hands occupied and mind settled.

To get them to hang straight I resorted to ironing them flat & stiffening the paper a with some ehem, hairspray.


It worked, and all I had to do was thread them through some Spring Green organza ribbon....



And ta-da! A row of Tulips cheerfully greeting the spring sunshine.... & a little bit of creating for me....


Looking forward to finishing the February bunting, I have a feeling it will be heart-stoppingly pretty....

Thankyou all for your lovely comments on my cakes in the last post - so very kind! I almost had delusions of giving up the day job.... & if anyone else reading would like to enter for my birthday givaway, please just leave your names - the more the merrier!

Love Lydia xx